Ritual~surrendering to it can set us free.

By way of introduction and as I often write in my weekly Shabbat messages: may you be fortunate to find a (positive) habitual practice and/or a ritual that allows you to become the best version of yourself.  What do positive habits, and rituals have to do with becoming the best version of oneself?  Self-imposed constraints allow flow and surrender. Allowing yourself to surrender to structure will set you free. It’s a contradiction AND, not but, it works, if a person allows it to work.

Structure, especially when imposed by others, can feel frustrating. It can confine and limit and those limitations can be the key to one’s freedom — that is once it is surrendered. This continues to be my personal journey. Gratitude and humility are strengths and ironically, they are the opposite of victory and overcoming obstacles. It requires trusting the process. Having a little faith. Being the best version of oneself often means overcoming the obstacles, and releasing the present. How is that done? Gratitude plus appreciating the beauty of this moment and honoring all that is here now.

Being the best version of oneself often means overcoming the obstacles and releasing the present.

Short-run wins or using a baseball metaphor, swinging for the fences to score with a home run is a strategy, and some times hitters will power through as they strive to achieve victory. This is using the energy and mindset that cultural conditioning has invaded our minds as a result of the individualistic, competitive society we live. My father, of blessed memory always would say, in his productive years of the 80’s, the first half of life, “no one who wants to get ahead in life can do so by working nine to five, five days a week. If you want to succeed, you have to be the first one at work in the morning, the last to leave, and work on Saturdays.” Many in that generation were taught that way and many continue to buy into that mindset. People continue to live their personal and professional life that way. 

No one who wants to get ahead in life can do so by working nine to five, five days a week. If you want to succeed, you have to be the first one at work in the morning, the last to leave, and work on Saturdays.

– Bernie Appel

In the realm of structure and discipline, we are creating space to “be,” and not necessarily to “do,” all the time.  Consider the work we do, professionally, personally, and in relationships. If we treat every distraction as a problem to be solved, we are wasting energy trying to fix things. Here comes another contradiction.

Creativity and innovation thrive in constraints, in structures we habitually or ritually create. We can create positive habits, create or “count days” or “mark time” ritualistically, with intention. Spending time habitually – we spend energy resisting the distractions that interfere with the space created. This pushing against structures that feel confining, takes away our energy to create and innovate. This paragraph may have to be read more than once. Creativity and innovation thrive in constraints.

Not everything is a problem to be solved.

My wife and I joke that there is no problem, it’s all about me. Thinking that way – what’s the problem? Hopefully that is enough to knock some sense into me. The results of discipline and might without humility are obvious. Humility means letting go of the idea of controlling others and that requires a certain amount of structure. Confession: on learning humility, one must readily acknowledge they are not the smartest person in the room. A daily, or a weekly ritual, a positive habit that becomes internalized is a healthy release that allows for trust and letting go, in other words, getting outside of one’s ego.

The greatest catastrophes have occurred as a result of people sitting in arrogant judgment of others. Am I arrogant in the name of justice (what I consider just)? Do I ever think that I sit on a higher pedestal and bestow judgment on my subjects below? What about towards my children? Friends? Students? People who believe or act differently. 

Surrender reminds us to appreciate the distraction; to get curious about it and what it is here to teach us. This is a path of humility. We don’t have all the answers. It is a path.  It is only when I surrender to the structure that I can use it as a catalyst for innovation.  Surrender can sets us free.