Challenging anxiety.

“You have to know yourself before you can say something about yourself or about what you can know.” – Socrates

“The mind alone can never free the ailing mind. But faith, willpower, and action sure can.”  R. Dan Lewin

I strongly considered not publicizing this post. I admit to being a little self-conscious about this confession and the subject matter.  After all, who publicly announces that they have lived their life with anxiety and one way they deal with it is through faith? I readily admit to being a work in progress, and acknowledge that people deal with what ails them in their own unique ways. I have not conquered all my afflictions, and I believe that life is learned in a series of stages as one progresses throughout their life.  It has been my experience my learning has not been in a linear fashion, rather in ever increasing spirals. It is my hope that writing about my experiences can open dialogues and provide space for others who may be going through similar experiences. To provide a place to connect and to provide emotional support.

In that spirit, Socrates believed – the study of wisdom – was the most important pursuit above all else. I used to interpret that as if we could think our way out of what ails us. He believed in the the pursuit of wisdom through questioning and logical argument by examining and by thinking. Examination is more than just thinking, it involves experiencing it too. His examination of life in this way spilled out into the lives of others, such that they began their own examination of life.  Acknowledging that life was not forever, he still stuck with his beliefs and said a life without philosophy – an unexamined life – was not worth living. So, I continue to examine mine.

I have dealt with anxiety for thirty years. I am an advocate for the role that faith can play in challenging anxiety. Faith can be challenging at times and this post began as a confession of sorts about anxiety, not faith. Although, after suffering with anxiety for the better part of two-thirds of my life, I have acquired a less than rational approach, equating part of the treatment to an elixir or a tonic that I take weekly. Finding solace in faith, something bigger than myself. It is a big part of my mental medicine.

The light and the dark of it. Being diagnosed with anxiety in my late twenties seemed par for the course, much like it is for today’s twenty-somethings. Dealing with who I was going to be when I grew up was a normal stressor. Back then the cure for anxiety was a pill. There is a myriad of potential solutions today available for those struggling with anxiety, including medications. Considering my age and my stage of life back then, anxiety was the norm. I was only beginning my journey. One that would take me through multiple advanced academic degrees and several careers. Seeking answers was more of a scholarly pursuit. A rational exploration. Advice and suggestions were plentiful, numerous books on self-improvement, and autobiographical sketches of people sharing their stories of recovery from anxiety and whatever else afflicted them were prevalent. There are still numerous books available at the local bookstores, on Amazon, and then all the TED Talks — some that have been viewed by multiple millions. Where was Brene’ Brown when I was twenty-two?

Thirty years later, with two thirds of my life now behind me, I am coming to understand a new-to-me way to view my own anxiety. The psychotherapist-in-me, the professor-in-me, and a person who deals with the unease of anxiety has brought me to this point in my own development. Reading still, writing more, and challenging the wisdom of my ancestral roots, my Judaism —has led me to this way of life- my own examination, and this blog.

Sometimes I steer the ship, sometimes I float — I am learning to let go of my need to always be in control. I am a co-creator of my life. That is the faith part. Working with personal relationships, sometimes steering, sometimes floating, that is the interpersonal part, also co-creating. Creating and assisting my higher power to bring about a positive outcome, challenging my beliefs, rather than succumbing to anxiety, frustration and angst is at the very core of my Jewish faith. 

Jewish stuff is not the only item in my mental health toolbox, and it has been a significant contributor. It would be super convenient to say that I have discovered once and for all a universal anti-anxiety kryptonite and that I am free. I still have some dark moments, and they are moments instead of days. The end result has been anxiety being slowly crowded out from my general waking thoughts.

Unfinished as this musing may be, there is light at the tunnel as I am beginning to understand my own mental health and spiritual path better. 

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Socrates was a Greek philosopher from Athens who is credited as the founder of Western Philosophy and among the first moral philosophers of the ethical tradition of thought.