Understanding and exploring habits has been my journey. For some, they may say, this is always the journey, and my journey has led me to consider habits in another way.
Habits are pieces that make up who we are. Habits can be tough to break and there are many life lessons that can be found as a result of our habits. A new perspective, a deeper understanding, a paradigm shift and/or wisdom can reveal itself. Learning from metaphors, stories, fables, and other artistic forms of communication, like poems, are a case in point.
The first time a person reads a poem, they may find them beautiful, poetic, or even touching. Good poems leave much room for interpretation and upon a closer examination can contain deeper meaning. Ages and stages makes a difference. When times change, and it might take a good deal of life to look at before a person can recognize the many times of pain and also the many times of joy.
The Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson is such a poem. Having shared the poem with emergent adults (young people ages 18-29) doesn’t always resonate with them. On the other end of the age spectrum, emergents (older folks, 50ish, sometimes older) their own life experience have proved this to be the case and/or the ideas really resonates with them. Although, emergent adults can be full of surprises.
Confession time, we’ll sort of, I first came upon this particular poem thirty years ago when I was working as as alcohol and drug abuse counselor. I was working on obtaining the requisite number of hours to become a licensed professional counselor (LPC). At that time I didn’t have a whole lot of life experience behind me. Sharing it with those that did have life experience provided a lot of insight for me. There was profound truth in those few simple lines.
Read it for yourself before I post my thoughts on the poem. See if it touches something inside of you. See if you can identify with the author’s experience; maybe you can spot some of your life’s turns in the poem.
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
Does the poem resonate with you?
A few my own thoughts. These lines are timeless and reflect the eternal experience of man in dealing with difficult and unpleasant situations. It could refer to anything, and it is precisely this universality that makes the poem so appealing. These could be ingrained patterns of communication within the family. Or, an example of a person who always seems to get involved with the same type of partner that doesn’t do them good. And anyone who has ever been caught up in depression knows that it takes a lot of chapters (often more than the five from the poem) until a completely different street comes into view – one that they just didn’t think was possible or that a new street even existed in the first place.
The truth is that no matter how deep the hole that a person falls into, eventually they will come out again. And they will not only learn to avoid the hole but to take a completely new path and experience lots of emotions and realizations a long the way.
This is my takeaway. I believe this is the central message of the poem. It takes time to learn all of this. And patience – especially with oneself. And what’s more: it takes trust! Trust in oneself that they can do it and that new opportunities will certainly open up because a new street was taken. That this one hole, this difficult situation, can lead to completely new and unexpected possibilities as soon as they take responsibility for their own actions and their life. Once they get to know themselves better. And once they have learned to trust themself.
Today, a few deep holes in my life later, I know that a person actually has to fall more often into the same hole until they recognize it as such and understand that it is in their own control to avoid that hole. And above all: That they can choose to walk a sparkling, glittering new street full of possibilities. They have a choice. I can’t is I chose not to.
The way I see it. If a person wants to make a change last, they can’t just change their habits, mindsets, beliefs, and stories.
Lasting change only emerges from a change in identity. Seeing themself in a new light. Adopting a new form of being.
To take on a new identity, other identities within oneself sometimes must die.
Birthdays. A day for birth. Unlike when a person first emerges from the womb, rebirth isn’t instant. It is not a clearly defined linear event: one moment they were not born, the next they were alive. Rebirth is a process of continual refinement.
We are always in a state of becoming, and in a state of unbecoming.
Birthdays are the milestone markers, the days that come with an invitation to consider: Who am I becoming and who am I unbecoming?
Confessions of a Cowtown Culturalist 
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