Learning to listen – part two

Are we sometimes too close to a situation to be able to see it objectively. In this week’s Torah portion, we read that Pharaoh, who was speaking directly to Moses, was too emotionally charged with what was happening to “his” country. Too close to the forest to be able to see the trees. 

What happens when a person is too close to something in their own lives?  Pharaoh had the misguided belief that since he felt he knew the situation best, that he was also in the best position to know what should be done. Therefore, why even entertain any other ideas or opinions.

It is perfectly human to get frustrated when people say, “think about it rationally,” and more times than not, thinking about it critically would have done the trick.  When comes right down to it – it is about objectivity. Whenever someone is emotionally immersed in something, then by definition, they have little or no objectivity. How often have we known someone who was involved in an unhealthy personal relationship but failed to see just how detrimental it was? And they justified being closed-minded to any other opinions because they embraced the notion that “no one knows the person like they do.” And that is exactly why they can never be objective or act rationally. Anyone so close to a situation loses the larger picture and cannot see it clearly.

When a person knows best, is unwilling to see any other perspectives, and the only conversations with them turn into arguments – it might be a good time to consider 9or at least entertain) another perspective.  They may have even been down a similar path before. Perhaps it might even be the time to seek others out, and sincerely ask for and listen (not just hear) their advice. Yes, yes, yes, there is that human tendency to discount other’s advice, or worse is frustration associated with getting unwanted advice – that is the worse. And, let’s face it, coming to embrace a different viewpoint might mean having to admit to that poor choices were made. This “saving face” mentality of not hearing “good” advice is why some continue to just rationalize their poor behavior instead of changing. It also can make one wonder about other choices were made because they were absolutely convinced it was the right one.

Back to the story. The final plague was at nearly at hand. The thick darkness still needs to be addressed. [Could this thick darkness be akin to depression, or anxiety.]. Now would have been a good time to consider a change in direction, or at least, serious consideration.  As demonstrated in the the Exodus story it took learning the hard way. [Thats an understatement considering the tenth plague].]. Perhaps that is the only way to people can truly learn. Let’s hope not!  The greatest men and women have always been those who were able to admit their wrongs of the past and then, based upon a new perspective, choose to make healthy and productive choices.

There is no harm in listening to those around us, those who know us well and/or those whose opinions we value. Of course, the ball will ultimately still be in our court, so that urge to justify our past actions will always be present. While it might be simple, it may not be easy on the ego to do this, although, it might end up making us great.

Taking time to hear different views is more likely to help a person become the wisest person in the room.

The person who learns the most is sometimes the one who says the least.